Home is where the heart is

 "Soria Moria castle" painted by Theodor Kittelsen

I'm sitting here at 1:30 am on a monday morning/night(?), and I really feet in the mood to write something, however I just can't come up with anything interesting. So instead, I'm just gonna post a short uninteresting update on my current life situation in order to fulfill my craving to write.

So last year around august, I travelled to the U.S to attend an international high school in New York. I wasn't sure what to expect, but all in all it's been quite a cool experience. I'm attending an IB school, so the work is definitely much harder than what I'm used to back home in Norway. I had a really good start, straight A's, but then I pretty much threw in the towel around spring break, and I don't believe I will be able to finish the year with passing grades. I've skipped way too many classes after spring break. These last couple of weeks have been rough, I've had ridiculous home sickness, and I've felt extremely loneley.
I struggle a bit socially, and haven't really been able to reach out to many people around school, thus I spend most my time in solitude. This really wears on you in the long run, and I think it's the main reason behind my changing mood these days. My head just refuses to focus on the tasks at hand, and I make stupid decisions.

To be honest, theres only one thing on my head these days, and that is home. I really miss my friends. I just.. I really fucking miss you guys!
Although it's only been a few months since i went home for christmas, it felt so short and before I knew it, I was back to the everyday stress of school. Well, now its only about two weeks until I go home (June, 18th), and it's literally the only thing I can think about. The biggest event of the year is waiting for me, summer vacation, and I'm making all kinds of imaginary plans in my head. Mainly I seek to spend more time outside, and be more social. My freinds largely seems to agree, which makes me positive that we'll be able to stick to our plans. We're gradually losing interest in spending all our time in front of the computer, and instead spend more time together, doing something for the environment and evolving as individuals. Which I find thrilling. Secondly, I'm looking for a part time job, in order to make som extra cash to support the fun and save for our big hike a few years down the path.  In addition, my buddy has gotten his drivers license, and we've got both cars and boats ready at our disposal, so I am positive this will be an amazing summer!
How about you? I'd love to hear what you've got planned for the summer!

There is no life as complete as the life that is lived by choice.

Im writing this post on the 25th of May, the day of my birthday. And I'd like to write about a topic that i believe is relevant to this day, as I'm turning 18. As of today, I'm officially legal, which means I am "allowed" to make a change in our society. I'm finally allowed to make my own choices. I am my own master, and i intend to make the most of it. Although my parents might argue that I've followed my own path for a long time already, I wouldn't agree fully. While i might have been a bit more stubborn than your average teenager, I've still felt trapped, and desperate. It has felt as I've been living my life for someone else, following the rules set by my parents and the community I grew up in. There was only one path, the one accpeted by society. Any other path would lead to a dessert, and leave me as an outcast.

I'm sure a lot of you can agree that you've felt a certain ammount of pressure from your surroundings, be it cultural or social, to perform, to reach a certain level. A level which might not suit you. Might not be relevant to your interests or strenghts, but it's the only accepted way, right? As a teenager I've seen this all around me the last couple of years. Do a survey at a random high school, and i'll bet you that more than 50% of the students want to become one of these three professions: doctor, engineer or lawyer. Don't get me wrong, it's great that youth are seemingly interested in sciences. However, if you look at said students grades and interest in those related classes, it will quickly reveal itself that there is another aspect determining their answer. The social aspect.
It's outright embarassing for your average high school student to publicly announce that they wish to become a carpenter. So instead of having talented carpenters who legitemately love their job, we get creative talented people trapped in office buildings, doing an half-assed job because they're apalled by their work. Just look at Asia for example, famous for their rigorous studies, brains and exponential suicide rates.
I saw my friends from jr. High make the same mistakes, people whom i knew was not strong in theoretical subjects, but still chose a rigerious science curriculum because anything else "is for scrubs and retards." Then i watched them drop out a year later. I made the same mistake, and it has left me miserable and depressed. Because living a life off of someone else's  premises just straight out sucks. It sucks! We need to explore all our options in order to find something that fits us. Life shouldn't be a battle to get up every morning. We should look forward to our day, with the feeling that today, today I'm gonna evolve and explore.

I've come to my terms. School might not be the thing for me, I've tried my best several times now, but the outcome has been the same. I've reached a conclusion and it does not leave me feeling broke and beaten. I might have my struggles, some challenges i can't overcome, but I am not stupid. I am an intelligent, thinking human being, and I will do with my life as I please. It doesn't matter how society sees me, I will show that commitment, passion and compassion is what gets you far in life. I will do my absolute best to be the best person i can, both to myself and to the people around me. I urge you to do the same. Peace out!

Individually we are one drop, together we are an ocean.

Today I'd like to share some thoughts on making that all important first step and thinking like a community. There are more than 7.1 billion people on earth at the time of writing this. That's a huge number, and might make you feel small and insignificant. I know how it feels, and it makes me lazy and out of condition to do anything, because: whats the point, right?

This way of thinking is extremely harmful, not only to myself but to the whole community and the people who are close to me. It hinders me from unlocking the potential within myself and it makes me down and depressed. Becuase joy resides in being kind to the people around us, and by chastesising oneself all of this is thrown directly out the window.

A few months back i decided to become a vegetarian, at this point i had eaten meat my whole life and it came as quite a shock to many of my closest friends and relatives. However, I had read my fair share on the topic, and decided that it made sense for me in order to back my own living ethics. What surprised me though, was the reaction I got. They would ask me why I would go through such a hassle, you're a single person in 7 billion, there's no way you'll make a change. This is a very toxic way of thinking which seems to be quite common. Alone we might not be able to make and impact, but together we most certainly can. It's all about being part of a community, with other likeminded people who wish to achieve the same as oneself. It doesn't have to be something huge as battling world hunger or solving the water crisis. It could be something small, like trying to avoid using plastic bags when going to the store, or start recycling. It's all about battling that little voice in your head that says: "I'll only have one more" or "Throwing away this one thing won't have an impact." Trust me, it will when millions of others are thinking the exact same way. Make sure to dicipline that voice, take control of yourself and make that all important step. You can make a change!

"You must be the change you wish to see in the world" - Ghandi

Introduction to the being

I grew up with my mom and dad, and my older sister in a middle class home, a happy place on the outskirts of a small city. I was a happy kid with a very few, very close frieds. I've always been kind of awkward, and not too good at social situations. I think its because im afraid of being a nuisance, and thus i don't easily branch out to people. Even when i was just a kid I was afraid to knock the door of my best friends house, and I'm still not exactly sure why. This is a trait I've carried to this day, and it makes it troublesome to make new friends, and the ones I have always have to make the first call. Something they still fortunately do to this day. Thank you.
Anyways, the years flew past like they would for any other kid: Playing with my friends and my video games whenever none of them were available. I did very well at school, although i was a little bit lazy, and proccrastinated a lot.This behaviour continued as i entered into middle school, up until the last semester of Jr. High. I had a girlfriend at this point, a sweet girl who's complete contradictory to myself, extremely outgoing.
It was amazing, because she managed to get the best out of me, around her i wasn't shy. I never had to make the first move, which made me relax and just enjoy her presence. However, she also made me realise that all the people around me were wearing masks.

I had known this girl for a long time, all through elementary school, but i knew little about her family or psyche. Her parents were seperated and she lived with her dad in a small house not far from mine. Her father was a short tempered guy, but he loved his children with all his heart, which was very clear, and they loved him back, so I wasn't alarmed.
One night a recieved a series of text messages from her, regarding her uncle. Her dad was having friends over and they were drunk, she was laying in her bed pretending to sleep when her uncle had come into the room and looked at her for a long while. He moved up to her and bent over her, running his fingers down her body. While this was goig on her dad entered the room and caught him red handed. A violent commotion ensued and her uncle was banned from the home.

We didn't talk much about this incident, and she seemed to joke it off the whole time, but it slowly came to my attention that she was changed. She kept her smile at school, and tried her best not to talk about it to anyone, however it was clear that she was deeply disturbed by the event. She quickly fell into deep depression and broke up with me soon after. I kept contact with her, wanting to help, but spending all your time with someone who is deeply depressed is almost like a hyper contagious virus. It grew on me and dragged me down. It changed my view on people around me, and more and more people came forth to me with their struggles. I dont know why. Maybe I was good at comforting people? Anyways, the sheer amount of people struggling was disturbing. They were all wearing masks with huge smiles, while on the inside they were bleeding. Just like me.

I started opening my eyes to the world around me, while ironically, I started isolating myself. I skipped a class here, and another there. Soon i stopped going to school entirely. Afraid of seeing the real extent of the apathy of human beings. We're not only destroying ourselves, but the world we live in. Every day i witness something foul and disturbing, either in the real world or online. I might make another post about that later, although i find it very hard to describe my feelings with words.
Moving on, I never really got rid of this depression, and it haunted me as i started High school, which ended up being a rerun of Jr. High and finally me dropping out. Im currently in an internation high school, finding myself going through the same periode again. Why? I have no idea.

If you read this far, I'm truly amazed, and happy that my existence have been noticed by someone. I'll wrap it up here as it got way too long, thank you for reading.